Keeping My Thoughts on Straight

Process art.  Sometimes I have an idea of a project I want to create, but most of the time, No. No I don't. After learning some sudden news and changes going on around me I ended up with a blank piece of mixed media tablet paper and the paints on my wall. This came out. All the colors were what I grabbed one after another to create layers of emotion.

4/10/16

I will call this one "I am stuck in a box" because that is all I seemed to be able to get out. One box after another, first with a finger paint technique and after, with a brush. Still stringent line boxes and small brush bristle 3-tap accents.  All of the scribbles in the boxes are my fast cursive pouring of thoughts from my brain to the paper with the back of the brush. I do this intentionally to scribble out the anger, hurt, confusion, whatever the feeling of the day may be.  So much is written in these boxes but all I see is a piece in colors I love.  I was stuck in my thoughts, paralyzed but not having any reaction at all.  A words slap in the face and numbing of the  brain.  Simple piece of information not making any sense except as individual pieces themselves. Facts. I could not stop there. I had to get to the core of the mess. The next painting let that out. 

I do not typically name paintings unless they present their names to me in the creation process.  The black lines were a repetitive action that produced the consistent numbing feeling of disbelief. Again with the boxes outlined in white gesso. Still too boxy, to "clean". 

Photographed wet - 4/10/16

The emotion was ready to be bled. To spill out. In a violent angry splatter of unconfined rage flung onto the paper, splatters reaching everything within reach on my table. When there was just past too much, I wiped some of the edges to clean up the mess, but you can't clean up a mess like that. It just smears and contaminates the rest of the work. Which perfectly exhibited what my thoughts were experiencing, now real, now tactile on the page.

*I am not trapped by the choices of others, but I am accepting the reality of what I was presented*
-Keeping my Thoughts on Straight.
Done.